Back in the Ring?
[Source: Vintage WW recipes on Candy Boots]
Writing about weight loss is something I find quite tiresome. Entries become carbon copies with slight variations. Sometimes I even get secretly peeved for receiving praise for losing weight. I’m a perverse creature. Still . . . I think, Praise me if I finally manage to write a decent short story or a post that moves you or helps you, maybe. But honestly: Losing a few pounds of fat? While it’s far from easy, sometimes it also feels so . . . banal and superficial. Being involved in the weight-loss rat race makes me feel vacuous somehow, like those celebrities on the cover of Us Weekly.
I can’t explain this sensation in a satisfactory manner. But maybe you understand. I just want to be appreciated or judged or whatever on what I contribute to the world around me, not on my attempts to revamp my body.
And yes, I’m still interested in doing that. (I’m not a hypocrite, I’m just multi-faceted, people! I swear.)
I hate it that my outsides don’t reflect my inner image of myself, and that my fabulous eccentricity just doesn’t seem to translate as accurately when I’m fat me versus thinner me. And plus-size clothes? Are a bitch. Not to mention expensive. No $2.50 camisoles from Forever 21 for me.
Is it back to Weight Watchers (Round 3 this year) for Comrade GoGo? Can I view the whole enterprise as the game for grownups that it really is and find some private amusement and extra motivation in that perspective? Or will the inherent condescension of a group leader speaking to me like I’m a child who’s never heard the word “fiber” drive me to madness yet again? Will the soccer moms nattering about 1-Point snack cakes push me to stab myself repeatedly in the face with a kitten heel?
This game needs a name!
charlotte replied:
You’re not a hypocrite. I can totally relate to everything you wrote. Every once in a while I look up from it all and think “Did I really just waste an hour reading about 10 ways to boost my metabolism??” Then I think I should totally be using this energy to Save Darfur or Cure AIDS or at least, do my dishes. In fact, it’s one of the feelings I struggle with the most. Thanks for articulating this so well
Mar 19, 2008 at 11:55 am. Permalink.
Stephanie Quilao replied:
I hear ya, and I’ve been writing skinny jeans for 2-1/2 years now which is why I have added more subjects because I just cannot write or think about pounds, calories, and inches all day long every day for year after year. One thing that helped me was starting to look at my “body revamp” as you creatively put it, is that you are sharing your story with lots of people on the internets and helping them in their journey through your own.
Not only is it healing for yourself but for many others, and that creates a wonderful support system. I don’t know where I’d be without the people and experiences I have gained since I started blogging. It’s made me and continues to help make me a better person
Mar 19, 2008 at 12:15 pm. Permalink.
lillian64 replied:
I deleted my first posts before I joined HYC. They were all over the place. I like reading about other people’s progress. I suppose we’re all saying the same thing, but it’s nice when someone comments and it’s nice putting all these feelings into words even if we delete them before anyone has the chance to read them.
Mar 19, 2008 at 8:11 pm. Permalink.
jessica replied:
I hate it that my outsides don’t reflect my inner image of myself, and that my fabulous eccentricity just doesn’t seem to translate as accurately when I’m fat me versus thinner me.
i feel like my struggle with weight has always, always been about this idea that i’m not “accurately” perceived, that i would look the part of myself at a different size. totally relate to this.
Mar 21, 2008 at 11:01 pm. Permalink.
Dietgirl replied:
can i just say how much i loved this post. i love em all because you write so bloody brilliantly, but this one really touched a nerve. i get emails from people congratulating me on the book - but for losing the weight and it makes me feel so strange and i want to write back, what about the words? did you like the words?!?
Apr 12, 2008 at 1:20 pm. Permalink.