This real heart of this post is an email from MC. To give you a little background on my smart, steady, lovable boyfriend: MC has always been wonderful. I’m sure of it. However, he wasn’t always the stable, emotionally in-touch guy I have always known him as. . . . Part of MC’s identity includes the fact that he is an almost three-years-sober alcoholic. He would not be who he is, the man I cherish and respect, were this not part of his life story. I mention this personal information here because MC gave me carte blanche to do so and because he is not ashamed of his past, as I strive not to be of mine.

I’ve been feeling a bit down since I got back from Houston, missing my friends there a lot, and also somehow feeling like I have failed at everything I’ve attempted to the point where I don’t try anymore. As a result of these emotions, I found myself emailing MC about this earlier today, and here’s his response, which I feel contains lots of wisdom about happiness from someone who knows me through and through, and whose advice I always take seriously:

I think it’s all a matter of perspective.  Yes, failures occur.  This is normal in everyone’s life.  However, you can either choose to view it from the worst position possible and allow a single failure—or several in a row—to define your life so that you continue to fail, or you can make an honest effort and try again.  This is why we have hope.  It greases the wheels on getting started again.

And that’s assuming that you failed in the first place!  Which may not even be true.  Again, it depends on the position from which you view something.  Technically, I could choose to view my alcoholism as a failure.  But if I hadn’t been an alcoholic, I never would have gotten better.  I never would have gotten this job that I love.  And most importantly, I never would have met you.  So who’s to say what is a failure and what isn’t?

So, when we look at our lives, it’s difficult to know what we should or shouldn’t be doing.  My thinking is that the best policy is to “do the next right thing” as I see it RIGHT NOW, not worry too much about what’s coming down the pike (I can deal with it when it comes, no need to right now), and just try to keep myself as positive as I am able.

And here’s the best part, as I see it:  There are no real requirements for success.  I can choose to do or not do whatever I want and call it a success.  We’re the grown-ups now!  We can base our measurements of success on any criteria we wish.  So take risks!  Live life!  Otherwise, we’re just the walking undead (I still have zombies on the brain) . . .

PS - Yes, I’m aware that my chosen preferred hobby [gaming] might not seem particularly “risky,” but it makes me happy.  And that counts as a success in my book.  And look at the other parts of my life for the risks:  job, house, even pledging myself to you.  I take these risks because I choose to and I’m damned happy I do.  Damnit.

So those are just a few thoughts on perceived failure, success, hope, and happiness to get everyone thinking today . . . I know the wheels are turning in my little GoGo brain right now :).